As hoped, more dates for the Monty Python Live show were released this morning at 10am GMT. I staggered out of bed at five to five and secured a couple of reasonable seats that weren’t the most expensive tickets I’ve bought (but pretty close). Now to find a reasonably priced flight to London in mid-July. Good luck with that, I hear you say.

Despite the cost, I’m excited to be seeing the Pythons live (the five that remain) and it also means a trip to the UK in summer next year. Failing that, if it all becomes too costly, I’ll just sell the ticket. Surely no end of people who want to go.

I went back to bed and woke up a couple of hours later to Glen saying the water was off in the building. Maybe the pipes froze. I’ve asked the concierge and someone’s working on it. Hope they’re a plumber.

I’ve been to the gym and while there, someone turned on the radio. I avoid popular morning radio shows back home, preferring either Radio National or Classic FM (Yes, I’m a 50-year-old man). Twice I’ve been unfortunate enough to hear a segment that one of the radio stations plays. It works like this:

A woman calls up with some grievance about her current relationship with her boyfriend (I haven’t heard any lesbians on there yet).

This problem is usually something that could be resolved rationally and calmly if the couple would just talk to each other but their relationship doesn’t seem to work like that.

The woman talks to the two radio hosts about it and then the hosts call the guy, pretending they’re from a florist and saying that he’s been selected to send free flowers to someone. They then ask who he’d like to send them to.

Depending on his answer, there’s either an awkward conversation that goes on between the guy, the hosts and the girlfriend (who’s still on the line), or…I don’t know. I’ve only heard the ending for one of them.

The first one we heard was of a couple who went to Costa Rica for a weekend holiday. They hadn’t been going out long, a couple of weeks I think. Very brave to go on a holiday with someone you’ve really only just met but anyway. The girl got constipation and then diarrhoea from the laxatives and therefore was not feeling particularly amorous. She spurned all his advances. She didn’t tell him what was really going on (I admit, it’s embarrassing but that’s what relationships are about: embarrassment) so he figured she wasn’t interested.

So they come back, he goes cool. What does she do? She calls a radio station to sort out her love life.

They call the guy. He asks for the flowers to be sent to another girl who he’s started seeing and is “serious” about. The first girl gets on the line and is shocked, the guy feels uncomfortable but basically says she should have told him and that’s that.

The call today was from a woman who was annoyed that her boyfriend (or her boyfriend’s family) had hired his ex-girlfriend to work at the family’s restaurant. He didn’t run this by her first but told her later. She’s up in arms. They’re calling him to see who he sends the flowers to.

I didn’t hear the conclusion of this.

Firstly, what is wrong with you people? Why put this on the radio? Sort out your own goddamn problems.

Secondly, guys are dumb. They don’t think, they’re not looking for hidden meanings. They only look at the face value of things. If you say you’re fine, guess what? The guy is going to happily think everything is fine.

Thirdly, I don’t know about you but if I found out that the person I was seeing had run to a radio station to sort out our relationship, I’d be pretty pissed off. Way to solve the problem.

And fourthly, what is wrong with you? (Worth saying this point again.)

I’m done now. Maybe I should write rants for a living.

Hopefully the water is back on.