On Sunday Donna and I headed to Leigh-on-Sea in Essex to visit what feels a bit like an ancestral home. While our mum wasn’t born in Leigh-on-Sea, she was from the general area and our grandfather lived in Leigh for many years. Other family friends also live there and so it’s been somewhere we’ve visited every time we’ve come to the UK.

We roused ourselves relatively early, considering I was nearly totally wiped out from lack of sleep, and managed to get ourselves to Tower Hill then Fenchurch St Station to catch the train out to Leigh-on-Sea and arrive a little after midday. Because Leigh-on-Sea is by the seaside, and the other stops along this train route are as well, there were plenty of people making their way out there.

Donna and I spent most of the 45 minutes ride playing a card game called Guillotine (she won the two games we played though I’m not sure how and I don’t know why we only got through two games in 45 minutes. It isn’t that complex). A group of four young boys got on the train at some point and proceeded to irritate one another, punching and kicking. They were cousins, best friends really, but boys will be boys. One showed some interest in what we were playing and I was tempted to ask him if he wanted to join in as it might have kept him seated for longer than five minutes. But I couldn’t be bothered teaching him the rules so he went back to annoying his cousins.

Mary B met us at the train station. She’s one of mum’s school friends who lives in Leigh and is always a great person to spend time with. Donna had been down to see her multiple times during her time in the UK and Glen and I had seen her last year when we were there. She very kindly let us stay at her place for the night. Once back at her place, we ate some sandwiches and sat in the garden, having a drink, and catching up. I was still baffled that we were able to sit outside for more than ten minutes without the rain coming down, such was the weather. Phenomenal.

We walked to her and her husband’s allotment, which was looking amazing. So much work has gone into it and it was wonderful to see so many things coming to fruition. We’d eaten red currants, strawberries and raspberries earlier and were able to pick a few ripe raspberries and eat them straight from the bush while we were there. Nothing like freshly picked fruit.

Donna and I then headed off to see Sheila, our grandfather’s partner for many years before he died about twelve years ago. We met her at home and chatted for a while. Being in that house brought back so many memories of visits over the years and reminded me of good and happy times. It felt so comfortable to be there again. We stayed and chatted for about an hour and a half. Her partner Ian arrived as well and we were able to quickly catch up before Donna and I left to go back to Mary’s to get ready for dinner.

Sheila and Ian, and Joanna and Roger (Joanna also went to school with mum and Mary), came to Mary’s and the seven of us went out for dinner in Leigh. Donna and I ate way too much food, deciding at the last minute to have a dessert each rather than share one. We rolled out of there a bit before 9:30 to go back to Mary’s for tea and coffee and chatted some more.

It was wonderful to see them all again though sadly for such a brief period of time. We’ve booked so many people over the 11 days that we have together here that it doesn’t leave much time for second visits (though we’re hopeful).

Also, rather sadly, for me, visits to the UK now feel a little like a pilgrimage to places and people that were important to our mum. At dinner, I was struck by the thought that really mum should have been there. And while I’m sure she watches on and is there in spirit, it’s still not quite the same. Of course, seeing everyone and going to these places is enjoyable in their own right and I love coming here, everything is connected with memories and family history that the two cannot be separated.

I don’t mean for this to sound maudlin or to make anyone who might read this feel sad. This is just what I feel and while I wish she was here, coming here also brings memories alive once more and strengthens them. For that, and for everyone I meet here, I am grateful.

Mary with Oscar.

One of a number of pitcher plants at Mary’s.

A lily in Mary’s garden. It opened and closed each day.

The bumblebees in the UK are so cute. They’re fat and bumble along.

Flower bulb things in Mary’s garden.

Borage in the allotment.

Artichoke in the allotment.

Tea in the sunshine.

Donna in Mary’s garden.

View of the allotment.

View of the allotment.

View of the allotment.

Apples in the allotment.

Donna and a painting of our grandfather.

Sitting in the garden before dinner.

Group shot.

Group shot.

Donna showing Jo a video of her doing Irish dancing.